3:30 AM
by RandomUser674
Summary: Bella wakes up in the middle of the night to find a not-so-strange vampire standing over her. And that vampire wants to go shopping...
1. 3:00 AM

Thump…Thump…Thump… Wha

_Thump…Thump…Thump…_ _Wha? Whazzat…? _I blearily open my eyes, but it's pitch dark in my room. I turn over to look at my bedside clock…3:00am. Uhhhhh……. Three in the _morning?!_ I close my eyes and try to go back to sleep. _Thump….Thump….CRASH!!_ What the--?! I whirl around, suddenly wide awake. A pale figure stands by my bed, coming towards me. _ No!_ I think _not again_

"Oops…sorry…" says a female voice in a whisper.

I know that voice…ALICE? What is she doing here at _three in the morning!?_

"Uhhhh…Alice, why are you here, and why did you break my window?"

"Yeah, uh, that." she says, nervously twirling her finger through her short hair.

"Well, Edward _said_ that I should do something with you while he was away, and I was soooooo _bored_." She turns away and slowly started picking up the glass.

"Wait. You were _bored_ so to amuse yourself, you BREAK MY WINDOW?!"

"NO!! Well, uh, it was an accident. Yep, didn't mean it." she said in that too sweet voice. She wants something…

"WILL YOU GO TO THE MALL WITH ME?!" she practically screams into my face. This night will not end well…


	2. 3:30 AM

Thump…Thump…Thump… Wha

"Uhh, Alice…you DO know the mall is closed at THREE IN THE MORNING!?" I've been trying to reason with her for almost half an hour, so far nothing's gotten through.

"Well, then, we'll break in and steal the clothes! All for us! HAHAHAHA!!" she laughs manically, with a crazy glint in her eyes.

We're in her yellow Porsche, driving to the mall, and I'm still in my tee and shorts I wore to bed last…well _this_ night. Unsurprisingly, we're the only ones on the road, not _everyone_ has screwball shopping-obsessed vampires waking her up in the middle of the night. Of course, Alice takes the lack of traffic as an invitation to break the speed limit tree times over. I watch resignedly as the needle on the speedometer inches past 120.

"HOLY CRAP, ALICE!! WATCH OUT FOR THAT MILK TRUCK!!"

The truck swerves past us. Unfortunately, it swerves off a cliff, crashes down the side, and explodes in a dance of fiery lights.

"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU JUST DID!?"

"CAN'T TALK! MUST GET TO MALL!!"

Great, we're there. It can't possibly get any worse…


	3. 3:47 AM

"Alice, exactly HOW are we getting in

"Alice, exactly HOW are we getting in?" I ask as we approach the doors.

"Leave it to me," she says, pulling out a blowtorch and a chainsaw.

"Since when did you start carrying those around?" I ask, eyeing the deadly weapons-of-torture nervously.

"Oh, conveniently last March when I met Jacob."

With that, she gets out of the car. Reluctantly, I follow her. Geez, It's REALLY cold out in the _middle of the night. _I'm really pissed off about this. She tries the doors at the mall's main entrance, but unsurprisingly, they're locked. She starts to take the chainsaw out of her bag, but stops when she sees me staring at her.

"What?" she says, raising one eyebrow.

"It's a glass door, you're a vampire, do you REALLY need a chainsaw?"

"It's more fun that way…" she mutters to herself, sadly putting away the saw.

She runs into the door and it shatters, just like my WINDOW! (Sorry, but I'm still annoyed.) I cover my ears, waiting for an alarm, but it doesn't come.

As if reading my mind, she says, "Oh, it's No Alarm Day today, I checked my calendar."

Leave it to the government to make such a day. I follow her in through the broken door, stepping over shards of glass. I sure hope tomorrow is No DNA Tests Day, 'cause her skin cells are all over the door.

Inside, it's dark and empty, much creepier than in the daytime. There are metal grates over all of the stores, probably to keep out people like us.

"Wait," says Alice, freezing. "There's someone coming…"

I scrunch my eyes. Ohmigod, its-

**HAHA, it's a cliffhanger. You'll never guess who it is!**


	4. 3:59 AM

Thump…Thump…Thump… Wha

Cedric Diggory? **(Explanation at bottom)** It's war of the worlds! He's my absolute FAVORITE Harry Potter character! But what is he doing here in Forks? And isn't he DEAD!?

Cho is with him, and they're walking right towards us.

"OHMIGOD, Cedric Diggory!" screams Alice. She's a HUGE Harry Potter fan.

"OHMIGOD, Alice Cullen!" Wait, _what?_

They run to each other and hug (uhhh…HOW do they know each other?) leaving Cho and me in the dust.

"Uhhh…Alice? How do you know him?" I ask.

Alice and Cedric untangle. "Oh, we went to school together. In TEXAS!" Okayyyyyyy…

"Cedric, aren't you DEAD!?"

"Err…no that was a typo." Didn't see THAT coming.

"You remind me vaguely of Edward…" I muse.

"Err...no I don't!" he says too quickly, his eyes darting from left to right.

"You do, Cedric…" says Alice.

"Err…CRUCIO!" says Cedric/Edward (Edric!). Alice leaps out and pushes me away just in time.

"WHAT THE F, CEDRIC!?" she screams.

"You must DIE!!" he yells.

Alice goes and punches him in the face. He collapses. Cho randomly faints.

"Great, two more people to add to the causality list." Cho, Cedric, Anonymous Milkman.

"Now the fun begins!" says Alice.

I groan.

**Okay, maybe not the BEST chapter, but I'm sick and that's the best I can do. No flames!**

**If you don't already know, the guy who plays Edward in the **_**Twilight**_** movie also played Cedric in the **_**Harry Potter**_** movie. He looks better as Cedric than Edward. (Edward looks perverted!) I don't like his eyebrows as Edward either. Edward doesn't have a British accent! (Though Carlisle should, since he's from England…)**


	5. 4:13 AM

Thump…Thump…Thump… Wha

We walk through the empty building, and it's REALLY cold. I mean FREEZING. The air coming through the vents were white and ghostlike. I really should have brought a jacket.

"Oooh, here's a place." says Alice. I look at the sign. _Personal Barbie Doll_. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

"How are we getting in?"

"That's where this comes in," she says, pulling out the blowtorch.

She lights the torch and puts the blue flame against the store's metal grate. Bright sparks cascade to the tile floor, causing me to jump back or risk burning my feet. She holds the torch there for about a minute, until the metal glows cherry red.

"Wait, isn't the melting point of this metal way higher than that?" I ask, somewhat apprehensively. She gives me a look.

"The presence of supernatural beings alters the physical state of substances relevant to the storyline."

"Oh."

Rolling up the sleeve of her shirt, she closes a fist over the glowing steel and rips out a section, leaving a hole large enough for us to duck through.

"I told you," she says.

We're in.


	6. 4:47 AM

Thump…Thump…Thump… Wha

As you can probably imagine, it is TOTAL torture. After trying on the zillionth outfit, I scream, "OKAY! THAT'S ENOUGH! LET'S JUST PAY FOR IT AND GO!"

She is gloomy as we walk out of the store. I notice she didn't take out her purse, but she's too quick for me anyway. Maybe she paid while I was hiking down the mountain of clothes that had piled around me. Or maybe she never even paid. I am about to ask her when I hear a noise. Apparently, she hears it too, for she bodily picks me up ("Gerroff me!") and runs to the source of the noise. She comes to a women's clothes store. The grate is already broken into. She steps through the hole and I follow. She clicks on the lights and we both scream bloody murder. There is Edward, Jasper, Emmett, and JACOB wearing WOMEN'S CLOTHES!!

"Stop!" Edward hisses. I didn't think it was possible for a vampire to blush, but all three are red like cherries. Jacob turns maroon.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS DOING!?" Alice screams.

"Err…nothing…" says Emmett, hiding a miniskirt behind his back.

"We thought you were hunting!"

"We are,"

"FOR WOMEN'S CLOTHING!?"

"Yup…"

I can't stand to see Edward in a tube top, miniskirt and high heels, so I turn away.

"You guys are SICK!" Alice shouts.

"What's going on here?" comes a voice from behind us.


	7. 4:56 AM

WARNING: BLOOD AND GORE IN THIS CHAPTER

**WARNING: BLOOD AND GORE IN THIS CHAPTER. IF YOU EXPERIENCE NAUSEA CAUSED BY BLOOD, WELL THAT'S TOO BAD FOR YOU.**

I turn around and gasp. A fat security guard stands behind us, a donut in one hand and a mug of coffee in the other. He stares uneasily at the nauseating sight of four cross-dressing boys complete with eyeliner, blush, and lipstick, and turns to us with the heaping bags of stolen clothing spewed around our feet.

"Err…" he says.

Alice takes his confusion as a chance to stop him. She whips out the chainsaw and lunges at him.

"DIE YOU MONSTER!!" she screams, slashing the chainsaw at his face.

"_Holy CRAP_-" he yells as Alice the Malice rips his insides out. Blood is everywhere. I feel sick. I want to stop her, but it's too late. She cuts off his head and it lands in my arms. I faint.


	8. 5:23 AM

WARNING: BLOOD AND GORE IN THIS CHAPTER

When I come to, I can't remember anything. I roll over and see a bloody head lying next to me. I scream bloody murder.

"BLOODY MURDER! BLOODY MURDER!"

"SHUT UP!" Alice screams. "We have to get out of here!"

"You just killed some guy!"

"I know!"

"YOU'VE KILLED FOUR PEOPLE TONIGHT! YOU'VE GONE FAR ENOUGH!!"

"Guys, we've got a situation here…" says Jacob, pointing across the hall.

We stop dead in our yelling match to look at the horrifying sight around us.

"Oh, great. Zombies!"

Cho, Cedric, Milkman, and Guard Dude, still headless, are slowly advancing towards us.

"RUN!!"

"Wait, I've got a plan!" says Alice, taking out the flamethrower and putting it on max power. She throws it at them and they all burn to death. But the store…

"Oh crap, it's on fire!!" I yell.

Alice grabs me and sprints out of the store, Edward, Jasper, Emmett and Jacob not far behind.

Flames lick around everything in its path. We're almost at the door. Alice lunges.

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!"

We're safe. Boy, this is soooooo gonna piss off Charlie. OH NO!! CHARLIE!!


	9. Charlie's Chapter

Mar

**Charlie's POV (Third Person)**

Charlie wakes up at the usual time. Yawning, he puts on his usual uniform and drinks his usual cup of coffee.

"Y'know, I think I'll go check on Bells," he says to himself.

Humming, he walks upstairs and opens Bella's door. He screams like a little girl. Bella is gone and the window is shattered.

"DAMMIT, EDWARD!!" he yells. Close, but no cigar. He'd never expect Alice to be behind this.

"I gotta call the police!" he exclaims, rushing to the phone and dialing the number. Across town, a phone rings unanswered in his office. "Oh. I'm the police." he remembers. "I must do something!"


	10. Whatever AM I'm too tired to notice

Mar

**Bella's POV (again)**

I can't believe I came to school today after what just happened. I'm sitting in my first period class, almost falling asleep, but jerking awake after I remember what happened. Zombies, murder, burning down the mall. I'm still in shock after seeing Edward like that. I shudder, not looking at him. All of a sudden, I hear a huge rumbling sound coming from outside. Something crashes into the wall.

"GET DOWN!!" someone screamed. I ducked, but not before seeing the army tank drive through the wall.

It stops and the top opens. Out comes…CHARLIE!! The world is going insane.

He points trembling finger at Edward, his face cherry red in anger.

"YOU KIDNAP MY DAUGHTER AND YOU EXPECT ME NOT TO NOTICE?!" he screams. I'm mortified.

Edward, calm as usual, slowly walks over to the tank with his hands up. In one quick moment, he leaps on the tank and punches Charlie in the face.

_I'm dead when he wakes up, _I think.


	11. 7:30 PM

Mar

**Local Newscast Extra (Bella's POV)**

_"…and the kitten played with that ammo all through the night." _the TV reporter says. I am sitting on the couch. I don't even want to say what happened after Charlie woke up. Let's just says he's..._Barking _Mad. **(For all you that didn't get that, he thinks he's a dog.)**

_"And now our top story tonight. Local mall burnt to ground." _I turn my full attention to the screen. _"We have shocking footage of the incident. Local nutcase Ima Wiener has caught it all on video tape. Roll the film, Joe." _Oh no! I'm done for! _"Joe?"_ says TV Lady Reporter Person as there's yelling in the background. The camera turns to the scene: a guy in a ski mask and a knocked-out guy clutching a video tape. The Ski Man takes the video and shoves it in his pocket. _"There will be no film tonight,"_ he says in a velvety voice. He waves at the camera. _"Hey, Emmett, I'm on TV!"_ he says, flashing the peace sign. He sprints out of the room. I smile. Edward always has a solution.

"Woof!" says Charlie. I roll my eyes. I think to myself, _I gotta get my window fixed. Maybe this time I'll use electrical barbed wire to protect me from Alice instead of mere glass…_

**And so it comes to this sad time: the ending of this treacherous tale. Review and I will write more FanFics in the future. As for now, I bid you farewell. :P**


	12. Help us!

**Okay, so we need your help. We've got some not-really-thought-all-the-way-through ideas to choose from and we'd like your opinions. Here are some ideas we had.**

**-Voldemort as a hobo**

**-Harry Potter on Doctor Phil**

**-Who would win in a fight? (Twilight vs. Harry Potter)**

**Or, we could use some ideas that you peoples come up with. Review this chapter or PM me and tell me what you think. Hurry!**


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